Two days after surgery

Tuesday 1-april-2008 - 14:07

Last Sunday I had my eyelid surgery. It was at 17:00 in the afternoon and honestly speaking I wasn't really nervous until the time came very close (around 15:00 o'clock).

Perhaps the long relaxing (but fast tempo) walk to the beach on Shabbath had to do with that. The beach having always had a relaxing effect on me (but not only, it is also an excellent anti-depressant) -

Thanks God all went well and I was, despite contradicting advice saying both either yes or no, able to walk home about half an hour after the surgery. The only thing wanted was it to pass without complications and I am very grateful it did. Now that it has passed I hope I am relieved of the heavy bundle of skin upon my eyes and (figural speaking) I will look upon the world more "lightly" (again, because that already did before the systematic downgrading path of Isaac started to take its influence on me).

I made it through the rest of Sunday-evening and -night taking turns sitting up and laying down with small bags of frozen peas on my eyes (who looked -for me anyway- horrible, like Frankenstein, all swollen and with the huge sutures sticking out). The next morning I was at a loss what I should do in order to get the medicines that were prescribed - and thought even about 'hiring' the boy from the neighbors in order to get them for me, since it was strongly advised not to walk that day. In the end I decided I would start to walk and if it wouldn't work out I would take a taxi or something. Luckily I walked slowly and when I arrived at the kupath holim in ha-roeh str. I asked the pharmacist there a favor in helping me before anyone else (there was a huge que) while lifting my sunglasses -which sorta freaked her out looking at my eyes LOL.

She agreed and all went well, made it home - took care of my eyes and laid down... sitting up occasionally. In the afternoon I couldn't hold it anymore and went outside - again *sigh* - I had to buy a big pillow because I have to keep my head elevated when sleeping and the blanket and two crampy pillows that I piled up had caused me not only neck pain but a headache as well. And so I bought a pillow, from my meagre money I have left after paying really a lot of bills and living off the money quite good in the two months preceding this surgery. I wonder if I am going to make this month, financially that is - since my employer was abroad and also I am not working these days - having to recuperate my eyes. That would be disaster if I again would sink into not being able to have some room for buying necessities or, Godforbid, not able to pay the bills later on this month.

At around 12:00 I phoned A. yesterday (Monday) and it was really good to hear his voice again after more than one week. I know, because he said so, that he likes to distance himself as much as possible from "us" and so I am in doubt all the time what to do. I really need it to hear from him and interact and on the other hand cannot and do not want to force myself upon him. After we spoke I remembered I forgot to ask him something and so I sent an email. But he doesn't answer.

There is a whole part of me that is build differently than others (I think because I don't notice others struggling with the things as I perceive them) - but I will write about that another time.

In the meanwhile - here at the house - I am walking around with my new sunglasses with optical lenses on and until now only one laugh to K. and this morning talking again about returning be-tshuva and go to a mikva and cover my head, no intrusion into my personal space (yet).

Exposing.