Yesterday, Friday-6-6-2008

7-6-2008 - 11:35

Without warning I. came shouting and cursing and shrieking to me and demanded in a threatening voice that I don't do my washing on "Shabbath". This is 5(!) before Shabbath. He put it in words of "Ya Sharmuta" etc. I had just put my jeans in the washing machine. There was ample time to finish my washing so I would, IN MY KINDNESS TO RESPECT HIS WISHES WHICH I DON'T HAVE TO SINCE IT IS HE WHO CHANGED THE 'RULES' AND NOT ME, have ample time to finish the whole laundry thing.

When I told him that 5 hours is a long time, he replied "Long time in your mother's ass". I replied with a calm voice (as contrary to his typical outburst of aggression and curses) "hear the -Tsadiek" (he goes on telling all the time that he will be a 'tsadiek' and big rabbi one time known all over the world). He then said "God will take care that you will get cancer in your stomach and the tumor will be this -he showed the size of a football ball- big".

He talks in the name of God now - I am sad to say that his hatred (to everything and everybody on this earth) has now taken on the form of megalomania in the form of thinking he is talking in God's name. He further went on to say some vague things out of which came the "Ya'Goya" thing again. He had stopped with calling me a Goya for some time now before yesterday -after having had to hear it daily thousands of times- because I suppose he figured out that if I am a goya my children are so as well.

He went on and on and on and I went just doing 'my thing' without answering anymore (to the eye because inside I was shaken a lot, I always do get shaken when he explodes into his hatred mantra thing with this voice of his that sounds like shriek turned up to high volume). Later he came back and told me I would not hang the laundry - "Ya sharmuta you will put it in the dryer". I asked why? He said he didn't want others to think we did laundry on Shabbath. The most stupid thing about this all is, is that if he would have asked me normally -like in a question/request- I would have said "OK", simply. Because I am a person that doesn't like to obstruct anyway. Like with everything else in this house since he's gone religious I don't do anything on purpose to upset him in that respect. The light in the toilets is taken out by him, OK. The light in the hall -that I face when laying in bed and see when I have to go to sleep- OK. The water boiler not being in the kitchen by on my bed-stand on Shabbath's - OK. Not smoking anywhere but in this room I am cooked up in - OK, and there is a whole list of things that I cooperate with - but for him it is never enough. Still, from the beginning of this marriage until a few years ago NONE of the religious rules concerning Shabbath were kept by him -or us- so it is HE who should have to show respect for my willingness to not keep on with habits we have had over many years.

Anyways: since Tomy Lapids death last week he is jubilating and singing and clapping his hands in joy - singing "the worms are eating him now, see what becomes of him" (like this doesn't happen to everybody when he's dead) - and that his 'pig-meat' is good for the worms etc. etc. This goes on for a few days already. Very, very happy he is with that guys death.

C'est ca. In another 12 days the court case will be held and I hope so very, very, very much the judge will separate us INSTANTLY because living here honestly drives me insane - this terror he produces and the talking behind my back with my daughter in whispers etc. etc. (although this is a thing that is going on for some 18 years already ever since she was about 10 years old) - are very difficult for a normal person meaning no harm to swallow.

Exposing.